pure

Something happens to my heart when Bryson smiles at me. I don't know exactly what it is, but I do know that it's good. I know it's good because I can see how he feels when he's smiling at me. At just 4 months old, I doubt it's love...but there are definitely feelings there. And they're pure. It's the purest thing I've ever experienced.

He smiles and giggles at me first thing in the morning when I get him out of his bassinet. I have no makeup on, my hair is a complete mess, and my eyes are still swollen from sleep. He doesn't care. He smiles anyway.

While carrying him the 20 feet from our room to his room to unswaddle and change him, he gets about 47 kisses. I still have morning breath, but he doesn't care. He smiles anyway.

I've mentioned before that he hates Tummy Time. I've been working hard on making him do it more often so he grows stronger, and there are times when he will scream and cry while he's laying there. But when I pick him up and reassure him that we're "all done, baby...all done," he smiles...even though I've forced him to do the one thing he hates more than anything.

He smiles at my awful singing voice. And my horrible dance moves. He doesn't care that from his angle, he's always staring up at my double chin. He looks past the dark circles under my eyes, and any pimples that may pop up. He doesn't judge my crooked teeth, or what size pants I wear. He just smiles. And it's pure...and it's innocent. And there's nothing there but happiness, and what I hope will turn into love as he grows and learns what love is.

Something happens to my heart when Bryson smiles at me. And it's so, so good.

xoxo, wife.

2020 Week 2

Time for my weekly photo dump!

This week was basically a whole lot of nothing. The mornings tend to be the longest part of the day for us, so to break it up a little, we went somewhere each morning Mon-Thurs. Whether that was shopping, the grocery store, visiting my mom, or meeting up with Ty and his mom for lunch, we got out of the house early and were back by nap time each day. It was just a week of "normal."

I've been very sentimental and emotional lately about this year of maternity leave that I'm taking. I started crying just yesterday as I told Ty how much I appreciate this time, and that I thank God literally every single day (multiple times a day) for the opportunity to stay home and take care of Bryson. I'm not saying that every single moment is wonderful...but I'm so thankful for all of it. I'm trying not to take a single second for granted.

I recently read a story about a baby who was just about a week younger than Bryson, who died of SIDS while at an in-laws house over the holidays. I started following their story, and my heart broke for them. They just buried their baby yesterday, and this is what his mom said after:

"If I could say one thing, here it is. Take all the pictures. Forget the laundry. Forget the dishes. It really doesn't matter. Just love your babies. Breathe in their scent. Memorize their smile. And love them really, really hard."

And you know what? I do take a ridiculous amount of photos/videos of my baby. And I let the laundry sit in the washer sometimes until it needs to be rewashed. And I neglect the dusting, vacuuming, and dishes. And I'm not sorry about any of it. I prefer to spend my time playing with my baby and making him giggle. I love to snuggle him for his morning nap while I kiss and smell his little head. There's always time to get those things done when he's sleeping.

I officially go back to work in August, but I'll have to start preparing much earlier than that. Yeah, it seems far off, but the rest of my time off with him will go so fast. So I'll continue to take as many pictures and videos as my phone can hold (my cloud is completely full...I get notifications every day that my phone hasn't been backed up in weeks because there's no more room!) And I'll post them all here...because babies don't keep. He'll only be this small for so long. I shouldn't feel guilty for how smitten I am with my son, and how much I love him and want everyone to know it. So here you go:

He is beautiful.

His first big boy robe! It ties in the front and everything!

I can't leave out my other son, Bubba! Still fluffy and ornery as ever. 

Bedtime bottle with Daddy.

18 weeks in my belly versus 18 weeks out of my belly. Out is so much better!

We got this water mat for him to play on, but he just wanted to watch TV instead!

Bryson loves to be naked! I read in a baby book that babies should get some time each day to play naked, so they can work on making smooth movements without the hindrance of clothing. So we do this every night before bath or bedtime, and he loves it. This night, I wanted to take a picture and I put my phone on selfie-mode so I could see better. This was the first time he's seen himself like that, and his reaction was so cute! He just didn't know what to think about that squishy baby he saw!

I let the water fill up in the tub so he could splash around a bit. 

Bedtime Routine: bath (couple times a week), lotion, jammies, bedtime story, bottle, swaddle, and snuggles!

I just had to share this because it's too funny not to! My dad asked if Bryson's leprechaun hat would still fit from his newborn pictures. I pulled it out and tried it. Apparently his brain is growing!

On Friday, Bryson wasn't a huge fan of napping in his bassinet, so we napped like this. No, I didn't get a chance to tackle my to-do list, and I complained about how my arm was asleep...but I don't care. This was so much better than anything else I had to do that day. He won't nap on me forever. 

Ty was flying his helicopter around the living room and Bryson was mesmerized!

Still working on Tummy Time multiple times a day. He continues to dislike it, but we're working on longer stretches. There was even a time he fell asleep on his tummy this week, which means we're moving in the right direction!

I hung out at Ty's cubicle while I waited for his lunch hour to start, and my mother-in-law showed the baby off around the office. The three of us went out to lunch and Bryson was very well-behaved!

So that was week 2 of 2020. Nothing out of the ordinary...no fancy plans. But it was the perfect week just the same.

xoxo, wife (& mommy)

2020 week 1

Quick recap of the last week!

I won this blanket during Bingo with Ty's family. It will now be a staple in all pictures from here on out, because it's the softest thing in the world.

My parents watched Bryson one evening so Ty and I could go on a date night! We went to Olive Garden, and then ran to TJMaxx. We ended the night by playing a game with my parents after Bryson went to sleep.

The blanket. I'm telling you...it's soft.

Bryson spent this week boycotting his nap. This is me laying next to him in bed in our dark bedroom, reading a book, and popping that pacifier back in whenever it fell out and he started crying again. 

While Ty's brother and sister-in-law were still in town from Christmas, we went back over there to ring in the new year with them. 

He almost never naps on me in this position anymore, so it had to be documented.

Bryson had his 4 month well-baby visit on Friday. His doctor is very pleased with his growth, and impressed with his sleeping habits! She wants him to work on a bit more Tummy Time so he gains more upper arm strength and head/neck control. He hates Tummy Time so much that I will admit I don't make him do it as often as he should. But I'm going to have to be stricter about it! He'll learn to love it!

That bald spot! I can't...

Other than turning 4 months old (see last post), that's pretty much what's been going on in the last week. Great end to 2019, and beginning of 2020!

xoxo, wife (& mommy)