today.

I'm sitting on the couch watching tv, covered up in a blanket, typing a blog post at 10am on a Friday morning.

At 10am on a normal Friday morning, I'd be giving a spelling test. Or maybe calling the office to come and restrain a student who's hurling chairs across the room, and yelling at me that they hate me and I should die (true story).

I woke up this morning feeling like God is smiling down on me today. I don't think I even realized how much I needed this day off until I sat on the couch this morning in tears because of how grateful I am for this day of rest. I'm so emotionally exhausted that I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a breakdown. So today is truly a blessing.

Everyone at work yesterday congratulated me on taking a personal day. They told me I deserve it. They told me that they can't believe this is the first day I've taken off all year. My TA even made me Chex Mix and got me a card to celebrate the occasion. I think everyone is starting to realize just how bad it is sometimes.

When I sat the kids down yesterday to tell them I would be gone today, two of my girls cried. They said their didn't want me to go. The "after care" supervisor even had to bring one of them (admittedly my favorite student, but "shhh..." don't tell anyone!) down after school because she was hyperventilating, she was so upset about it. I had to explain to her that sometimes grownups have to take a day off work, but that I promise I'll be back on Monday, and she'll be totally fine without me there.

I've found myself wondering a few times this morning what they're doing and how they're behaving for my sub. (Side note: The Assistant Principal told my sub that she'd pray for her today while she was stuck with my class. She's also told me that she prays for me every day.) But then I quickly make myself stop thinking about it. I took the day to rest my mind...to have a day where I don't have to think about school. So I need to do my best to NOT think about it. My teacher bag currently sits untouched. I'll work on grading papers this weekend, but today is for ME.

So thank You, God. Thank You for giving someone the bright idea of creating Personal Days. Thank You for allowing things to work out for my boss to be able to rework things to find me a sub for today. Thank You for allowing me to see and appreciate how much I truly needed this day. Thank You for being there for me every day when I pray on my way to work for patience, guidance, and the willpower to continue to stick it out and be the best teacher that I can be, given whatever circumstance may come my way that day. But most of all, thank You for the fact that I even HAVE a job...especially a job that has helped me grow into a much stronger person than I ever thought I would be.

xoxo, wife.