Sunday, November 3, 2013

the fit of the century.

Yes...that would be my computer on the floor. The student picked it up and threw it on the ground.

My heart races just looking back at these pictures. The same student as last time threw another massive fit on Friday. The crazy thing happened out of nowhere and for no apparent reason. And this one was way worse. My entire class was on the rug that you see in the this was a very dangerous situation, as objects began flying through the air, and this student began charging at others. I was able to get the other 19 kids to the other side of the room for safety, call for help, and restrain the student as best I could until help arrived. I heard later that it took 3 adults to get him upstairs...where he then destroyed the vice-principal's office as well before being sent home.

-In my three years of teaching, I've never seen such a violent fit of rage from a 5 year old. 
-In my three years of teaching, I've never had to call another teacher to ask if I could take the rest of my students to her room for awhile because I was about to lose it.
-In my three years of teaching, I've never stormed up to the office shaking because I was so upset.
-In my 26 years of life, I've never stood my ground and told my superiors every single thought on my mind and every single feeling I felt.
-In my 10 years of work experience, I've never told my bosses that I'm not going to return to my place of employment the next year.
-In my 10 years of work experience, I've never cried 4 times in one day.
-In my 10 years of work experience, I've never felt so defeated. So unsupported. So unappreciated. So burnt-out. So done.

I laid it out there for the two administrators that were there on Friday. I told them I'm tired. Tired of asking for help with my class and not getting any. Tired of taking pictures similar to this one and seeing nothing consequences. Tired of cleaning up my room after each fit. Tired of working so hard and putting my heart and soul into my job, and being so unappreciated by my higher-ups. Tired of being told, "We know your class is really tough this year...we wouldn't want to trade places with you," but not seeing any help or support from anyone. Tired of no one "getting it" other than my Teaching Assistant, who is the only one who knows exactly what I go through every day. 

So I told them I'm done. I'm not coming back next year. They told me not to make any rash decisions. I told them that this decision has been a long time coming. It's not "rash" at all. This was just the final straw. 

People close to me have been encouraging to leave this school for a couple years now. But I stayed. I stayed because I've worked so hard to build a great Kindergarten program that our school gets compliments on daily. I stayed because these kids need me. I stayed because this is a new school and I wanted to see it grow and change. I stayed because I had hope that things actually would change. I stayed because this school was like my baby. And when you put so much time, sweat, and tears into something, you don't want to walk away.

And I'm not walking away. I'm being pushed away. Pushed away by administrators who are more worried about our upcoming Charter Renewal than about making sure their teachers are helped and supported so that they can be successful, which in turn will make their students successful.

It hurts.
It really hurts. 

xoxo, wife.


  1. You are a good person and a good teacher. You need to go to another school system that appreciates that. I know why you stayed this long, but you have to know when enough is enough.

  2. This may sound selfish, but I hope that whatever you decide and whatever you do next that you will still blog about it. You have a wonderful sense of humor, a great gift for writing, and a beautiful soul that shines through in all you do. Follow your heart and know that you have helped many kids. It is not quitting, it is moving on to the next place that needs you. My Mom and I enjoy reading your blogs. Maybe one day we will meet. Your first cousin once removed (I googled a family chart to check that), Sarah H.

    1. Sarah,
      Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. I'm going to do whatever I can to make it through the rest of this year, and then we'll see where God takes me after that.

      Also, I plan to keep blogging as often as I have something to write about. I started this blog as a way to document our life (and my random thoughts), and I plan to keep it up. So glad you and your mom enjoy reading it! Stick around :)