when are you...

A question I've been hearing lately as Bryson is getting a bit older is: when are you moving him into his own room?

My go-to response is usually, "When he can put his own pacifier into his mouth!" Because yes, he sleeps through the night like a champ...but I do have to put his pacifier in several times...especially as it nears morning. The thought of getting out of bed and going across the hall to pop that in his mouth, only to have to do it again as soon as it falls out sounds ridiculous. So we're not there yet. He's still in his bassinet, pulled right up next to my side of the bed.

But if I'm being honest with myself, even if he could consistently put it back in, I'm not ready yet. And you know what? That's completely fine.

As an anxious person in general, it calms me to wake up in the middle of the night and peek over, seeing his chest gently rising and falling as he sleeps peacefully.

I love praying over him every night before I go to sleep, before kissing his sweet head and crawling into my bed, right next to him.

I love hearing his little sighs as he adjusts into a new comfortable position in the night.

I love to listen to him babble as he starts to wake up in the morning. It's different than listening to him on the monitor.

I love to sit up in bed and see him watching for me. And grinning widely when we make that first eye contact for the day.

Remember, he and I were one unit for 9 LONG months. Always together. 24 hours a day for 37 weeks. Now that he's here, I have to share him. And while I absolutely love doing that, I'm still with him 98% of the time. I prefer it that way.

There will come a time (sooner, rather than later) when he doesn't need me to put his pacifier back in his mouth for him. There will come a time when he doesn't fit in this bassinet anymore. There will come a time when he won't be happy to see me in the morning, because I'll be waking him up early for daycare or school. There will come a time when I can watch tv in bed before falling asleep again. There will come a day when I have to share him with that beautiful nursery I spent countless hours scouring Pinterest for and we spent months preparing for. But for right now, he's going to continue to sleep next to me, because it brings both of us comfort and joy in those late night and early morning moments. It's what works for us, and we're the only ones it's really affecting anyway.

So from now on when someone asks me, "When are you moving him to his own room?" I won't go to that knee-jerk response anymore. I don't have to make excuses for myself. I don't have to pretend to be stronger than I am. I'm just going to say, "We're not ready yet, but it will happen soon enough."

xoxo, wife (& mommy)