my honest thoughts on this quarantine.

Yes, there are people who have lost jobs. There are people dying. There are people who haven't seen their loved ones in months. Women are delivering babies without their husbands present. Healthcare workers are risking their lives daily to care for the sick. I get it. I really don't have any right to complain.

But I miss stuff too. I miss going out to eat. I miss taking Bryson on errands or to the grocery store. I miss sharing my baby with friends and family members. Sometimes I feel like he's going to have a full set of teeth and be tying his own shoes by the time he gets to be around people again. I miss giving my friends hugs. I miss playdates and my mom's group. I miss the rush to get out the door on Sundays to get to church on time. I miss walking around stores to look around or get some exercise. I miss when Ty could come home from work and kiss the baby right away, without having to strip down and take a shower right away. I miss when the news was just the news, and not 30 minute coronavirus update segments. 

I'm a total introvert. Sometimes I feel like I'm absolutely thriving in this season of social distancing. I joke that I've been waiting for this my whole life...I wish I could've always shouted at people to "stay 6 feet away from me at all times!" I crave alone time. It's how I recharge my batteries. So most of the time this doesn't really bother me. But I also miss people too (from afar, of course. Let's not get crazy.)

I also feel sorry for people. I'm sick of people saying that it doesn't matter that high school seniors are missing out...that it's not a big deal they don't get to graduate. But it is. I'm so sorry they're missing all the things I absolutely loved about my senior year. I'm sorry for college seniors too. I'm sorry for students who didn't get a proper end to their sports careers. They didn't get to say goodbye to peers that they'll likely never see again. 

I feel sorry for my colleagues who are teaching online. As teachers, we weren't meant to teach through a computer. We were meant to reach these kids in person. My friends went into this thinking they'd see their students again in 3-4 weeks. Now they'll be given a brand-new set of kids in August, without the closure of the previous year. Parents are constantly complaining on social media about how awful e-learning is, and how they hate it, and have a hard time getting their kids to do it. That they aren't teachers and didn't choose to homeschool their kids. I absolutely agree. But my coworkers are doing the best they can with the situation they've been dealt...just like the parents and students. This isn't ideal for anyone.

I feel sorry for my friends' kids. Bryson is completely innocent and oblivious to what's going on, and I'm so grateful for that. My friends are having to explain to their kids why they can't go to school, or see their friends and grandparents. They don't get to go to the park, or movies, or on field trips. They're bored. Their parents are running out of patience (and bribes.)

I feel sorry for those who have had to cancel major life events like weddings...something a couple has dreamed about forever, now indefinitely postponed. I have a good friend who's wedding is in June. They may have to cancel and choose to go the courthouse route instead. And what about funerals...we can't even be together to mourn, or celebrate someone's life.

I hate the unknown. When will things go back to normal? I'm going back to teaching in August...what will that look like? I'd like to think that surely by then we won't be social distancing anymore, but there's already talk from the state about what school could possibly look like next year. From what I've read so far, it doesn't look like it will be anything close to normal. 

I hate the mixed messages I'm getting from the media. What am I supposed to believe? Is all of this really as big of a deal as we're making it? Did it really originate from a bat in a wet market in China? Or was it purposely released? Is there a motive behind all of this? Are we making too big of a deal, and is it really that dangerous? How the heck are we supposed to know? I have my own thoughts, feelings, and theories about what's going on...but who knows if I'm right or not? The only solid, consistent information we're getting from the media is to be scared, wash your hands, and don't touch your face. Everything else is so inconsistent.

I could go on rambling about it forever. I just had to get it off my chest. It's historical. High schoolers will be reading about this a hundred years from now in history books. But living in it kind of really sucks for all of us.

xoxo, wife