Ever read this book when you were growing up?
Yep, me too.
And today, I feel like I could write the sequel.
I think it would be called, "Lisa and the Stinky, Sucky, Stupid, Nasty Day."
I will preface my story with the fact that I woke up not feeling well today.
My students have been sick all week, my coworkers have been sick for the past two weeks, and I've been feeling it coming on for about a week.
Well, it officially arrived this morning.
So, just for the record, I was already set up for failure today before I even got out of bed.
That said, let's move on.
The kids were pretty good today, but let me just give you an idea of the kind of day we had.
During our first bathroom break:
Girl: Mrs. Miller...something really weird is happening to me right now.
Me: Like what?
Girl: Like...my panties are all stuck up inside my butt and I can't get them out.
I then had to explain to a five year old girl what a wedgie was.
About 15 minutes after that bathroom break:
(Different) Girl: My fingers smell funny. (As she shoves her hand in my face and puts her fingers ON my nose.) I think I forgot to wash my hands after I pooped.
Me: (Choking back a gag, because yes, that's exactly what it smelled like had happened). Go wash your hands. Now.
Then I put hand sanitizer all over my nose. No joke. And then I about died from the alcohol fumes. No wonder I'm sick, when kids rub their poop all over my nose.
Literally 5 minutes later:
Me: Ok, who knows any other words that start with the /p/ sound?
Boy: You know...like Puss in Boots.
Then I picked my jaw up off the floor, and praised him for coming up with a correct answer.
Later at home, it was time to give Abby a bath because she's staying at my parents' house this weekend while we go to a family reunion.
It's no secret that Abby is not a fan of baths, so when I started the water and took off her collar, she started shaking and wouldn't come into the bathroom.
So I had to go and pick her up to carry her to the tub.
When I picked her up, she freaking PEED all over me!
So I did some yelling and screaming, some face-making, and made a frantic phone call to the Hubs to yell about what had happened.
He had originally said he'd give her a bath, but remembered last minute that he had a softball game, and got out of bath duty (how convenient.)
During my rant, I declared that "you owe me."
Well, that did not go over well for some reason, and just started an argument.
Then I finally got back to the bath-giving.
If "Dodging the Water Cup" was an Olympic sport, Abby would take the gold.
The dang bath took about 30 minutes...one of which was spent chasing a soapy dog across the bathroom floor when she jumped out of the tub.
By the time she got done and I finally got a chance to shower the dog pee off myself, I was left with an ice cold shower, a wet bathroom, and a pounding headache.
So now I'm going to go curl up on the couch, watch tv, and hope that no pianos fall on my head or anything like that.
Here's hoping your day is not as yucky as mine.