I haven't written all week because I thought I was going to die.
Kindergarten started Monday, and it may have been the longest week of my life.
I forgot how much they come in NOT KNOWING.
They can't stand in a line.
They can't sit in a chair at a table.
They don't know how to raise their hands.
They can't tie their shoes.
They can't button their pants.
They can't follow simple directions.
They can't hold a pencil correctly.
They can't color without scribbling.
They can't hold their pee, so they go to the bathroom every 45 minutes.
They can't function without napping, so they either get grouchy in the afternoon, or fall asleep on the tables.
They can't sit and look at a book quietly.
They don't know how to get quiet when the teacher is talking.
(We had a lesson on what a good listener looks like...but it didn't seem to help.)
I could go on and on.
I'm honestly surprised I still have a voice after all the yelling I've had to do just to be heard.
I've even sent someone to the office already!
(If you look closely, you'll see two orange, and 1 red card...yep, that's my first, but certainly not last, red card of the year. And it was the second day of school.)
And don't even get me STARTED on the issues I've had with parents this week.
(Yesterday, a mom pulled her son out of our school because I was constantly 'picking on him,' and there was some kind of 'conspiracy against him.' As if I have time the first week of school to plan a conspiracy...)
So anyway, this morning, I started reflecting on my first week while I sat outside on this glorious Saturday morning after getting 11 much needed hours of sleep last night.
I realized that I need to try to keep my emotions in check.
But that can be extremely hard to do when you have a kiddo who is:
-cutting their crayons into teeny, tiny pieces.
-pushing other kids down to be the first one in line.
-running in circles in the hall yelling, "haha, Mrs. Miller...haha Mrs. Miller!"
-putting scissors in their mouth
-trying to cut their neighbor's hair
-slapping someone in the face
-blowing paper towels around the boys' bathroom with the hand-dryer
-doing flips in the hallway
Again, I could go on and on.
But I recently found this quote that really applied to what I'm dealing with right now.
"Whomever you have placed in charge of your feelings, you have placed in control of you."
I'm not going to let 4 and 5 year olds control me.
I need to remember that the majority of these kids have never been to preschool or daycare, because you have to pay for it, and they can't afford it.
I have to remember that they have WAY different family backgrounds than I do.
I have to remember that some of these kids have only been WALKING for 3 years, and SPEAKING for 2 years, and now I'm expecting them to function in a classroom!
I have to remember that perhaps these kids are crying out for the attention and love that they may not be receiving at home.
God has placed each of these babies in my classroom for a reason.
Maybe its for me to teach them something.
Maybe its for them to teach me something.
But whatever that reason is, I need to bring my "A Game" for them every day, and that can't happen if I'm in a constant state of annoyance.
So next week, I will not let these kiddos control my emotions. I'M the only person who can do that.
5 days down, 185 to go.
And even though its tough now, I know I'll be a bawling mess at their graduation :)