Student: Mrs. Miller, Charles told me to go away and leave him alone forever.
Me: Charles, why would you say such a mean thing?
Charles: Because I want her to go away and leave me alone forever.
During important individual testing-
Me: You did a really good job!
Little girl: That's because I'm a princess.
Me: Oh, is that right?
Little girl: Yep. I'm a Princess Kitten.
While sounding out Bossy E words on the board-
Me: Raise your hand if you can sound out this word.
Michael: "Make..." Like you make out with your girlfriend!
Walking in the gym after the middle-schoolers just left-
Student 1: UGH! It smells like musty armpits in here!
Student 2: The big kids need some deodorant!
In the hallway-
Little girl: Mrs. Miller...Michael just pinched my butt.
Michael: No! That was just on askident! I didn't mean to!
Me: How do you accidentally pinch someone's butt?
Michael: Sometimes it just happens!
Student: Lily just said the B-word!
Me: What's the B-word?
Me: Who knows what the president's job is? What does he do all day?
Student: He's kind of like a judge...like Judge Judy!!!
Me: And George Washington didn't take good care of his teeth, so they all fell out and he had to have teeth made out of wood.
Majority of class: Ew!
James: That would be tight!
Me: Next Tuesday is the 100th day of school! And on that day, you are all allowed to dress up like you are 100 years old!
Student: So we get to dress like you?