Saturday, April 13, 2013

sometimes i think...

and sometimes I don't.
But we're not gonna talk about those times today.

Today I'm going to give you a peek into my mind. My internal dialogue, if you will.
( may cause you to rethink your opinions about me.)

Things I think when I am driving:
(No...I wasn't actually driving here...I was on the passenger side.)

Use your dang turn signal for crying out loud!
If you don't get out of the fast lane, I may murder you.
Why the heck are you STOPPING at that yellow light?!
This is my favorite song!
Stay in your own lane, Mr. Semi Driver. Stay in your own lane! STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE!!!
No wait...THIS is my favorite song.
Did you seriously just pull out in front of me?
Stupid "School Zone."
Yes! I love this's definitely my favorite!
Why is the gas tank so low? I just filled up. Well, the light's not on yet...we're good for now.
EEEEK! It's my favorite song!

Things I think while teaching Kindergarten:
You better not be coming to tell me you peed your pants again.
I'm gonna pretend I didn't see her hit that boy...he deserved it.
What's that smell?
If they wipe one more booger on me today...I swear I'm going to scream.
Seriously, what's that smell?
What do you mean you need a new glue stick? You just got a new one 20 minutes ago.
Ugh...someone seriously needs to poop.

Things I think while cleaning:
How much money do I have to make before I can hire a maid?
Where does all this dust come from?
If that cat doesn't stop shedding, I'm going to shave him bald.
What is that smell?
I can't believe I actually drink mass amounts of the water that leaves these rust stains all over the tub...that can't be good.
Seriously, what is that smell?
If it wasn't for the occasional visitor, this would never ever happen.

Things I think while reading blogs:
How does she have so much money? She gets a new outfit every three hours. She doesn't even work.
There's no way you're really THAT cute...or that your house is REALLY that clean.
I wish I had more followers.
How come I can't be a housewife that plays dress up with fancy accessories and spends all day planning meals and taking cute pictures of my adorably clean and stylish children?
No...I'm definitely glad I don't have a ton of followers.
She made that up...I bet that never really happened.
That kid is so cute! I want a baby!
Ugh...those kids are not cute. So glad I don't have a baby.

Things I think during summer vacation:
This is amazing.
I think I'll read a book outside today.
I can't believe I'm getting paid right now. This is great!
I'm bored.
Sure, I'll actually cook a real meal tonight...I have all day to plan it, prepare it, order takeout when I burn it, and clean up the after math.
I can't believe I only have 6 more weeks. This is stupid! Summer should last all year.
I wonder if there's such a profession as "Professional Tanner."
I love doing work for school when I don't actually HAVE's clearly my choice over the summer.
I'm bored.
In three weeks, I'm going to have 26 students who don't know how to tie their shoes, who still have accidents, who don't know how to stand in a line, who don't know how to function in a structured setting, who don't know how to hold a pencil, who don't know the letter A, who can't recognize their name, and who spend the first 9 weeks of school calling me, "Teacher! Teacher!"
I think I'll ask Ty if I can send in my resignation.
I'm bored.
I'm ready to get back to work.

Things I think while shopping:
That's so cute!
I want that...and that.
I need these shoes.
Why is that so expensive? I have to have it...but then I'll be out of money.
I want that! No...that!
Now I need a necklace to go with this.
I wonder if Ty will notice if I go over my budget...
He probably will...stupid online bank account. What moron invented that? Probably some stupid husband.
I wish I had $10,000,000.
This fits I must buy it in every color.
These shoes are adorable! But dangit...they're so uncomfortable.
Whatever...I'm getting them anyway.
Hope Ty's not mad when he checks that stupid online bank account.
Maybe if I buy him a couple shirts too, it'll make it all better.

Well there you have it. The inner workings of my brain.
I spared you the R-rated language...
Since that rarely ever actually comes out of my mouth, it's a sailor-fest inside my head!
You're welcome.

xoxo, wife.


  1. Such intriguing thoughts, maybe you should
    write a book it is so interesting reading
    your blogs. Keep it up

  2. I would LOVE to ultimately write a book some day, but I'd need a lot more practice with my writing skills. Thanks for the compliment though :)

  3. Buying me shirts just makes it worse you dork :) Loved this!